Life With Shakespeare
by Queen Artemis
Summary: Um...shakespeareLWD crossover, dasey, lizwin, semily, and a marti that speaks only in rhyme...do you really need more? Previously A Midsummer Nights Derek
1. A Midsummer Nights Derek

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing in this story(Literally, nothing). I'm not even sure I want to claim the way the words are strung together...

**A/N:** Um...this is what happens when you read Shakespeare and Life With Derek fanfics the same day...

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**A Midsummer Night's...Derek?!**

Derek Venturi stood in front of the house where all his dreams lived and took a deep breath. If everything went right today, Lord Dennis would agree to his suit and Lady Casey McDonald would be his forever. He walked up to the front door and was shown into Lord Dennis's study by the stuffy old butler. Lord Dennis, Casey, a young man, and Duke George were in there, Casey the only one sitting. Derek took one look at her face and knew the news wasn't good. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and she refused to meet his eyes.

Lord Dennis smiled maliciously at Derek before turning back to the Duke. "Your Grace, as I have said previously, my daughter has been betrothed to Lord Sam Kennedy for her sixteen years. Although she may believe she has feelings for young Derek, the betrothal is a legally binding agreement and should be honored."

Before the Duke could say a word, Casey broke in. "I didn't agree to this betrothal! How could I, given that I was three months old! Why should I have to honor my father's agreement?" Shooting a deadly glare at her father, she mumbled, "If he's so in love with the Jackson family, he can marry one of them!" Her father looked at her in disapproval, while the Duke looked relatively shocked.

Derek decided that now was as good a time to speak up as any. "Your Grace, I have come today to ask for Lady Casey's hand in marriage. I love her passionately, You Grace!"

Lord Sam looked in disgust at the commoner before turning to the Duke and declaring his passionate love for Lady Casey as well. Casey just sat looking repulsed. Derek knew she hated having her life organized by others without any regard to her opinion.

Duke George looked at the occupants in the room with slight annoyance. He didn't want to be here right now. The only place he really wanted to be was curled up with his new bride, but that couldn't happen until the wedding ceremony that was to take place in a week. "Because of the previous legal agreement, the right of marriage belongs to Lord Sam Jackson." After his declaration, the Duke stood up and rubbed his hands together. "Lord Dennis, my carriage please!" Casey indignantly stood up, threw a look of utter hate at the Duke and flounced out of the room, completely silenced by the announcement. Lord Sam and Lord Dennis started talking together about bridal agreements and payments. Derek stood there in the middle of the room, feeling as though his heart had been ripped from his chest.

_That Afternoon_

Derek waited impatiently in the gazebo for Casey. He had spent all morning devising a plan to escape the plan fate had for them and he thought he had finally figured it out. His Aunt lived on the other side of the forest that was the boundary of the Duke's power. If he and Casey could escape tonight through the forest to his Aunt's they could get married and no one would be able to do anything about it. He just hoped Casey would agree.

Casey came running up to him, slightly out of breath. Trailing behind her was Casey's best friend and lady's maid, Emily Cassidy. "Oh, Derek," Casey cried, throwing herself into his arms and sobbing. "How can we fix this? I can't live without you!"

Derek patted her on the back. "Shh, it's ok. I figured out a way for us to be together!" He outlined his plan and by the end, Casey had stars shining in her eyes. "So will you go with me?"

"Of course I will! I'll meet you here tonight," Casey whispered breathlessly, before kissing Derek.

Unbeknownst to the two lovers, Emily had heard every word. While the couple was embracing, she slipped off to find Lord Sam and tell him. It wasn't because she wanted to separate her best friend from her love, but she wanted Lord Sam to realize that Casey didn't want to marry him. Maybe then, he would turn his attention to the one who loved him more than anything…Emily.

_That Evening, The Fairy Grove _

Queen Lizzie of the fairies alighted onto the forest floor, her court coming to rest around her. "Where is my husband, who commanded me to appear before him?"

King Edwin of the fairies appeared next to her. "What are you doing here, my Queen? I banished you and your court until you repent and give me what I want. Have you come to do so?"

Queen Lizzie looked disdainfully down her nose at King Edwin. "Of course not. We have come to attend the wedding of Duke George and the soon-to-be Duchess Nora."

King Edwin's face grew stormy. "I want your GameBoy! Until I get it, you are to leave this grove!"

Queen Lizzie leaned in close and whispered maliciously, "Never! The GameBoy is mine, and you'll soon find out that I don't obey commands given by you!" She turned and strutted away, head held high. As her fairy court began to follow, Queen Lizzie threw back over her shoulder, "You'll come back to me, Edwin, and then I shall have both you and the GameBoy!" And then she was gone.

King Edwin seethed for a few minutes before a devious look began to transform his features. "Smarti, fairy! I have need of you," he called softly.

In a second a purple fairy appeared and announced, "I'm a purple fairy/Born to make folks wary/what mischief can I do my king/fluttering about upon the wing?" She looked expectantly at the Fairy King.

"I want you to find the flower that has the juice of love within its petals. Bring me a handful, for I wish to teach my Queen a lesson."

"Your very wish is my command/And only one small thing will I demand/let me this night some mischief make/for this midsummer boredom to break."

"Very well. Now away with you, Smarti."

_Relatively Far Away From The Fairy Grove_

Derek and Casey stopped at a clearing in the trees with some rock outcropping that looked as though they would provide some shelter for the night.

"There, sweetheart. Let us rest there for the night, before we continue on to my Aunt's house." Derek took Casey by the hand and led her to the rocks, throwing his coat down before helping her to sit and then sitting next to her. Derek slung his arm around Casey's shoulders and she leaned her head into his shoulder as they both leaned back against the rock face. They sat like that, peacefully for a few moments before Derek turned to face Casey.

"Darling, I think tonight would be a wonderful night for us to consummate our love."

Casey stared at him as though not comprehending the words that had exited his mouth. "What…what do you mean?"

"Well, I think that, tonight, beneath the stars, we should, tiptoe through each other's tulips, if you will."

Now Casey looked utterly confused.

"Um…bake each other's bread…write each other's sonnets…take our relationship beyond the metaphysical to the physical realm…"

Suddenly, understanding flashed in Casey's eyes. Just as suddenly, she shoved Derek's arm off her shoulders and jumped up, shrieking. "Derek Venturi! Never in my entire life have I been so insulted! Consummate our love…what an idea! Not until after the wedding, mister! No way! And you can just take your…ideas and your…hands over there," pointing to a spot across the clearing, "for tonight! Honestly!" she huffed indignantly. "I thought our relationship meant more to you than…than just… that!"

Derek began to backpedal furiously as Casey started the whimpers that usually meant a long cry was about to ensue. "No, no Casey! You totally misunderstood me! I…I just thought that it would…it would…" Derek stalled for a moment as he tried to come up with something. "That it would be a fabulous way of saving you from being forced to marry Lord Sam even if they catch up to us. You wouldn't be a virgin anymore, after all." Derek smiled triumphantly.

Casey stopped whimpering and looked suspiciously at Derek. "Yes…well, that could have been a…good…idea, but it isn't going to happen! And you are still sleeping over there!" With that she turned her back to Derek and lay down on his coat.

Muttering to himself about temperamental females, Derek walked over to the other side of the clearing and lay down, shivering. "The least she could have done was give me back my coat," he whispered, glaring at his lover's back.

_Not Far Away From The Fairy Grove_

Lord Sam stormed into the forest, irritated beyond belief. That his betrothed dared to run away from him, with a commoner none the less, was not to be born. As he stomped farther into the trees, his rage began to grow, as did his irritation with the woman running behind him. Finally, his annoyance exploded and he turned to Emily.

"I have already thanked you for the horrible news you delivered to my door this evening. Is there some reason you persist in following me like a dog?"

Emily looked abashed, but answered anyway. "Lord Sam, I brought you the news of the runaways not so you would chase after them, but so you would understand that Lady Casey abhors you. Maybe if you understood that, you would turn your attention and affections to someone who loves you…someone like, well," she gulped and then continued, "like me."

Sam looked at Emily with an expression of utter distaste on his face. He grabbed her arm and yanked her so that she was face-to-face with him. "Understand this," Sam said, grinding his teeth. "I will never love you. And I will never allow Lady Casey to marry Derek Venturi. She is my betrothed, and she will marry only me." He released Emily's arm and turned to stalk through the trees again. Emily dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her face.

Unbeknownst to both, King Edwin had been watching the scene. "Hmm," he muttered thoughtfully, turning to join his court. "Smarti!" he yelled in a tone that carried around the world to the ears of the purple fairy currently sunning herself on a rock next to the flowers of love. She immediately popped up, grabbed a handful of the flowers, and lightning-quick was back at the side of the Fairy King.

"Here I am, my gracious king/your favorite flowers do I bring./Now I ask, before the end/where my trouble can I spend?"

"Give me one of the flowers. Now first I wish you to find a humble creature and bring it to my Lady's grove, where she can see it and fall in love. Then, search out a lad and lass in Athenian garb, and rub the juice of the flower onto the lad's eyes where he will first look upon the lass. After that, return to me."

"Consider it done/A night of fun/so off I go/to create some woe." And off she flew, giggling.

_Relatively Far Away From The Fairy Grove_

Smarti snuck up on two young lovers quarreling. She watched as the woman indignantly directed the young man to his sleeping place, across the clearing, and then turned her back and lay down, falling asleep. She watched as the young man walked across the clearing and lay down, falling asleep while still staring daggers at the young woman. Both were wearing Athenian garb.

She flew over to the young man, singing as she went. "Two young lovers went a-runnin'/the young man awed and the woman stunnin'/in a grove the two did fight/now Smarti must set things aright!" She rubbed the flower juice on the young man's eyes, making sure that when he awoke, it would be the young woman he set his eyes on. And then she flew off to find a hideous creature so the Fairy Queen could fall in love, giggling all the while.

_The Queen's Grove_

Smarti rubbed her hands together and barely kept herself from laughing evilly. This is what she lived for, pranks like this. She had found a homely young Athenian actor wandering around the forest, apparently drunk, and gave him a…slight makeover before bringing him to the Fairy Queen as instructed. She fluttered down next to the Fairy King.

"My jobs are done/I'm number one/Two lovers will be reconciled/And the Queen's love shall be befouled."

The King looked at her before turning his gaze back to the Queen. "You're losing your touch. That didn't rhyme nearly as well as the rest."

Smarti huffed. "I would like for you to try/without hanging yourself to dry/rhyming your every word/It would be the funniest thing I've ever heard."

King Edwin rolled his eyes. "Where is this creature my Queen is to fall in love with? Is it suitably humbling?"

Smarti cackled. "A man comes along/I didn't do you wrong/The body of a man has he/With the face of a banshee!"

King Edwin smirked. "I will return shortly." He waved a hand over the grove, causing everyone to fall asleep, floated down to the Queen, rubbed the flower juice on her eyelids and then called to Smarti to bring the man into the grove. Still cackling, Smarti brought in the man, and Edwin shuddered at his first look. The man's face was…horribly distorted. His nose was stretched, as were his ears, while his mouth and eyes had shrunk to barely visible slits. His hair was falling out all over the place and his forehead hung over the nonexistent eyes. "Perfect!" Edwin cried, startling the young man.

"I am the most beautiful of all God's creatures," the young man said, completely serious. King Edwin had to restrain his laughter. Smarti just cackled and giggled.

"Yes, and she is the woman you are to…court, tonight," Edwin said, pointing at Queen Lizzie. The young man looked at her and sniffed. "She will do, barely!"

Edwin managed to get out, "You'll need to wake her up" before he had to fly off, laughing. Smarti followed, after making sure that the young man did actually awaken the Queen.

_Relatively Far Away From The Fairy Grove_

Still sniffling, Emily walked into the clearing, trying to find anyone she knew. She had never told anyone, but she was deathly afraid of the forest at night. There were so many strange creatures roaming about, one never knew when one would stumble upon them.

She caught sight of Derek and breathed an audible sigh of relief. So distracted by her terror, she didn't bother to glance around and see Casey sleeping at the other edge of the clearing. "Derek, oh Derek, please wake up!" She shook him and Derek's eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times before he did the strangest thing.

Jumping up, he grabbed Emily's hand and fell back to his knees. "O my beautiful darling, my beloved! What a sight thy face is to mine eyes!" (King Edwin forgot to mention that a side effect of the flower juice was that it made the one affected speak in old English – rather a scary thought, actually.)

Emily pushed him away. "What in the world are you doing? Where's Casey?" She looked frantically around, hoping to find her friend and stop whatever madness had seized Derek while he slept.

"Casey, Casey who? You are mine only love, the beauty of mine heart! Let us run away together, beloved! We shall run through fields of flowers where none shall part us!" Emily began to back away in terror.

"S-something's happened to you, Derek! Don't you remember Casey, the woman you were running away with? What about her?"

"Bah!" Derek spat upon the ground. "None could compare to thee, not even a summer day! Thou art more lovely and more temperate…" Emily didn't hear any more as she turned and fled from the clearing.

_Not Far Away From The Fairy Grove_

As King Edwin flew over the forest with Smarti following closely behind, he glanced down and saw a curious sight. The young man he had instructed Smarti to apply the flower juice to was still storming through the forest, apparently still looking for his unrequited love.

King Edwin frowned and descended to just beyond the sight of the mortal. "I thought you said you had done all the jobs I asked of you, Smarti." Smarti looked at him questioningly.

"That young man," he said, pointing to Lord Sam, "doesn't appear to have fallen in love with the young Athenian woman that he was supposed to…"

Smarti looked confused, and then understanding flooded her gaze. "Two pairs of lovers in the forest tonight/Both pairs within the midst of a terrible plight/the other pair is the one I fixed/the male's sight firmly to be transfixed."

King Edwin silenced her as he heard the rustling of bushes and leaves and Emily ran out of the trees and straight into Lord Sam. "L-lord Sam…" she faltered.

Lord Sam growled. "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to go home."

Emily looked confused to the point of tears. "I don't know what's going on…"

At that moment, King Edwin decided it was the perfect time to enact his plan. He waved his hand at the two, and they instantly fell to the ground, sound asleep. Smarti floated down to them, applied the juice, positioned their heads so Sam would be staring directly at Emily when he woke up, and flew back to Edwin. He waved his arm again, and the two sat up, blinking.

"What's going on," Emily whispered, frightened and confused. And then Sam confused her even more.

"My Muse, my beauty, how long I have waited for thee to turn thine eyes on me. Let me kiss thee with the kisses of my mouth." Sam grabbed Emily by the waist and placed his lips on her, and what occurred next was a scene directly out of a hideously-enacted melodrama.

A hand pulled Sam away and slapped him with a glove. "How dare thee! This beauty is all mine!" Derek's enraged face came into Sam's vision, and Sam felt his rage boil over.

"How dare thee! This woman, this vision of grace, belongs only in my arms!" He drew his sword and challenged Derek. Derek drew his sword and the fight was on.

"My love, o, my love," Derek panted as he fought Sam. "Sweet beauty, it hath a name, and thy name is Emily!" Sam, enraged, pushed Derek so he tripped over a log, but then made the mistake of turning to Emily.

"Thine eyes I love, glorious pools of deep brown…" Sam was interrupted by Derek jumping on him and pushing him to the ground. Both men apparently forgot they had swords, as they began wrestling in the mud.

At this point Emily had decided all of it must be a joke they were playing on her. Her conclusion was verified by the appearance of Casey, who shrieked at Derek to stop fighting. He merely looked at her with a blank look and went right back to pummeling Sam.

"Emily!" Casey said, running up to her. "What in the world is going on? I woke up and found myself alone…why is Derek beating up Lord Sam?"

Emily looked at her in disdain as both of the men tried to spout some more nonsense to her. Casey looked shocked at Derek's declaration of Emily's beauty, but before she could say a word, Emily cried, "You think this is hilarious, don't you! Did the three of you plan this…this travesty against love? I thought you were my friend, Casey!"

Casey looked at her in utter confusion. "Why is Derek saying he loves you, Emily? And what joke are you talking about? What did you do? Did you have to mess this up?"

Emily sneered. "I messed this up! You got those two lovesick fools, lovesick over you, I might add, to act as though they had any interest in me, ridiculing my feelings!" She turned around and started to walk off, but the two men pushed and shoved each other, trying to follow her. Casey tried to get Derek's attention, but he looked at her, sneered, and ran after Emily. Casey fell to the ground weeping.

Smarti watched all this with an interested eye. "Perhaps a good idea, my King/to bring a stop to this thing/would be send them all to sleep/and fix it so the mortals won't weep."

King Edwin nodded solemnly. "While it was entertaining, we do need to fix it. Smarti, I will bring up a mist and get them lost in it. When they fall asleep, it will be near the one they are supposed to fall in love with. All you must do is to make sure the effects are removed from the one youth, Derek." Smarti nodded and grinned. King Edwin waved his arm and a heavy mist began to fall around the forest. "Now I go to see my Queen, and what the night's game has done with her." And with that, he flew off toward the Fairy Queen's Grove.

_The Queen's Grove_

When King Edwin arrived, he found Queen Lizzie curled up next to the Banshee man, twirling what little hair he had left around a finger and cooing. The sight of his beautiful Queen next to such a hideous creature almost made Edwin throw up.

"Queen Lizzie," his voice boomed into the Grove. "Are you ready to release the GameBoy into my possession?" Lizzie took a cursory glance away from her man and waved her hand lazily.

"You may have it, King Edwin. I have no use for such trinkets with Jamie here!" She giggled lustily into his ear. Edwin felt his blood pressure spiking. A young fairy brought him the GameBoy, and Edwin immediately removed the spell from Queen Lizzie.

As Lizzie blinked and stared at the…thing next to her, and her brain began to register what she was stroking, she jumped up and shrieked. "EDWIN! You're dead!" Edwin smiled, and then flew off as fast as he could, knowing his wife could catch up to him quickly given half a chance.

_The Next Morning_

Derek woke up snuggled next to a warm body. He sighed and clutched the woman's body closer, not wanting to move from the comfortable position. Unfortunately, the bliss was not to last.

"Oh, my, goodness!! What…is…this?" A shriek from above them woke both Casey and Derek, and they sat up instantly. Next to them, Sam and Emily sat up as well, equally as entwined and equally as unclothed. Both couples were heedless of their nudity until it registered who was shrieking at them, and who was staring at them.

On her horse above the couples, Nora felt herself go faint. Next to her, Lord Dennis and the Duke both wore expressions of equal disbelief.

"What the HELL is going on here?" Lord Dennis roared out, making his daughter jump. Derek cleared his throat, about to explain, when Lord Sam spoke up.

"Sir, I respectfully withdraw my suit for your daughter. I have found in recent hours that her hand pales in comparison to this one." He lifted Emily's hand, kissing it and staring into her blushing face.

Lord Dennis huffed and puffed, but before he could speak, Nora spoke up. "Your Grace, if I may?" When Duke George nodded besottedly at her, she continued quietly. "It seems that these four have solved their marital problems without the help of any well-meaning parents or rulers. Thus, I propose that we allow them to continue on the happy path they have found, and have Derek wed Lady Casey and Lord Sam wed Lady Emily."

Lord Dennis's face grew red and he sputtered, trying to come up with words, but before he could, Duke George nodded at his beloved and took her hand. "So shall it be. Ralph," he said, motioning to a young footman, "bring these four clothes and see that they make it back to the palace in time for the wedding ceremony. Come, my dear, let us take our morning ride elsewhere." Duke George and Nora turned their horses and rode off, leaving Lord Dennis wordless. Derek, Casey, Sam, and Emily all kissed their respective lovers, and from the treetops, a giggling purple fairy alighted on the ground just out of their vision.

"If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream,/Gentles, do not reprehend:/If you pardon, we will mend./And, as I'm an honest Smarti,/Let us throw you a party/Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,/We will make amends ere long;/Else the Smarti a liar call:/So, good night unto you all./Give me your hands, if we be friends,/And Marti shall restore amends."

Derek sat straight up in a cold sweat. His vision was blurry and his mind was racing. Smarti…and…Edwin…and…Lizzie…and Casey?!?

"DER-EK!" resounded from the bathroom, and Derek looked around at his computer and posters and knew that he had never been so happy to hear Casey's voice as he was at that moment.

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**A/N:** That was...well, I have no words to describe it. If you do, please review. And please remember, if any of it is really weird, it's supposed to be Derek dreaming a Shakespeare play. Some of it naturally has to be weird. The entire situation is weird. And I fully admit that I shamelessly used lines from Shakespeare's sonnets in the "fight" scene between Derek and Sam. 


	2. Much Ado About Casey

**Disclaimer:** As I mentioned before, I don't own _Life With Derek_ or anything by William Shakespeare. I would come really close to selling my soul for Shakespeare's talent, but I don't own him. Sad Day. I also don't own anything else that is mentioned in this dream, or even alluded to. I promise.

**A/N:** Aw, Casey, I just couldn't resist! She needed her own dream!

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**Much Ado About...Casey?!**

Casey lay down in bed and sighed. Finally. Her homework was done, her room was clean, and the house was quiet. Maybe now she would be able to rest. After the past few days, sleeping was the only thing that didn't confuse her anymore.

It was really weird. After that dream that she couldn't remember but she was pretty sure had Marti as a fairy spouting rhymes and Derek having a swordfight in it a few days ago, it was like the world had turned upside down. Her mom and George were being bizarre and secretive, Lizzie and Edwin were fighting, Marti was…well, Marti, and Derek…Derek was the weirdest part of the entire family. He had spent the past three days either staying as far away from Casey as possible, glaring daggers at her, Emily, and Sam, or (and this was the weirdest part of the entire thing) flirting with her! Derek flirting with Casey…she had to have stepped into a different dimension. Especially since he still acted like he hated her most of the time.

Casey flipped over and growled. Maybe it was Shakespeare. That had to be it. This entire issue started when Derek, Casey, Emily, and Sam's Shakespeare teacher put them in a group together and assigned them the task of presenting Shakespeare's comedies to the class. So they had picked the four most hilarious comedies from Shakespeare and decided each person would read one of them and pick the best scene for the group to act out in front of the class. Casey had gotten Much Ado About Nothingwhich she loved, but the day after they picked the plays Derek had decided to rent the Calista Flockhart version of A Midsummer Night's Dream instead of reading it and that was when everything got strange. It had to be Shakespeare's fault.

Casey sighed and turned over again. It was obvious she wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon, so she might as well get some more reading done. She flipped on her light and picked up Much Ado About Nothing and began to read.

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Casey was reading to her sister and friends when Ralph came running up to announce the news. 

"They're coming! Don Sam and his men are coming back from battle, and they were victorious! Your father has ordered a magnificent celebratory dinner in their honor and he wants you girls back at the villa now!" Ralph stopped and put his hands on his knees, breathing heavily.

Casey and Lizzie looked at each other and smiled. They loved parties. "Quickly, ladies, we have to get back and be ready for the men!" Lizzie led the way while Casey paused to gaze longingly at her seat and her book. As much as she loved parties, she knew it would be full of men wanting Don George to allow them to court her, and she hated it. She never wanted to get married, and the tedious act of refusing so many suitors got on her nerves at times. As she turned and walked toward the villa, she smirked. Sometimes it was a ton of fun to mess with their minds, though. She shook her head. Men were so gullible sometimes.

Derek Venturi looked up at the villa where he and his best friend and his brother would be staying for a few days and sighed.

"Must we actually stay here," he drawled to his best friend, Don Sam Scopino. "I've heard that Don George has two daughters of marriageable age, and you know they will be throwing themselves at us. Women are so…tiresome."

Sam rolled his eyes at his friend's remark. Derek only thought marriageable women were tiresome. Any other woman, now that was a different matter.

"Maybe they won't be throwing themselves at you," Edwin, Derek's brother, broke in with a grin. "Maybe they'll actually, you know, have taste or eyes or something…ow!" He winced when Derek slugged him in the arm. "Didn't have to hit me," he muttered sulkily. Then, not one to be down for long, he perked up. "Maybe one of them will be interested in the things I'm interested in, like soccer."

Sam couldn't help it. He scoffed. "One of the ladies of the house interested in that peasant's sport? You must be joking."

Derek sighed before moving between the two. "Now, now, I think I hear the Don coming. Try not to kill each other, children." The two men looked at each other, then at Derek, and with a shout both piled on top of him.

Don George Palermo and his daughters were greeted with the sight of their honored guests, three of the most eligible gentlemen in Italy, rolling in the dust fighting. Casey watched them and started laughing at their foolishness. Her laughter brought the three friends to immediate attention and all three of them jumped up, looking sheepish. Casey continued to chuckle, but managed to squeeze out, "Apparently, Father, you did not invite grown men who just returned victorious from battle, but three of the stupidest looking pigs in Italy!" And then she dissolved into side-splitting laughter again.

Lizzie was standing next to her, trying her hardest to be dignified and not laugh at the spectacle before her when she caught the eyes of one of the men, the youngest it seemed. He smiled kindly at her and Lizzie felt her heart drop. "Oh wow!" she whispered.

Casey had calmed enough to hear her sister and leaned over. "What?"

Lizzie pointed discreetly at the young man standing back as his friend introduced them and exchanged pleasantries with Don George. "Isn't he handsome?" she responded dreamily.

Casey looked at the young man, and then back at her sister before rolling her eyes. "He is tolerable, I suppose. If one likes the kind of man that rolls around in the dirt."

Derek had come unnoticed to stand in front of the two sisters. His eyes were drawn to the eldest, the one who had remarked about pigs. He scoffed inwardly at himself before bowing grandly to the women. "My ladies, allow me to introduce myself and my friends. I am Derek, Lord of Loam, and this is my brother," gesturing to Edwin, "Edwin, Count of Clay, and this young gentleman is Sam, Don of Dirt."

Lizzie, Edwin, Sam and George all started laughing. Casey just sniffed. "At least' you acknowledge your…rule over the low things of the earth!"

"Of course I acknowledge it, my lady. What good is life without the low things? A wrestle on the ground with friends, a long drink in a bar, a good lay?" Derek quirked his eyebrow at Casey.

She snorted. "Obviously those are things you would enjoy. Any normal person would appreciate the finer things in life!" With that, she turned her back and flounced into the villa.

Derek watched her go with a smile on his face before noticing everyone staring at him. "What?"

Sam just looked at him like he was out of his mind. He turned to George. "Don George, I would like to ask your forgiveness for the rudeness of my friend."

George gave a great guffaw. "Think nothing of it, my friend," he said, clapping a large hand onto Sam's back. "Fine young man, one that can get a rise out of my Casey. At least she acknowledges you. Most of the time she just sniffs and walks off, after informing me that whatever young gentleman is in question is one of the numerous reasons she will never marry. I don't know where she gets it," he said, shaking his head as he led the party inside. "Her mother wasn't nearly so picky."

Lizzie hung back from the rest of the company, smiling shyly at Edwin, who tried to stay back to talk with the beautiful young woman, but Derek clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Get a move on, old man! The stench on you is enough to kill a dead horse!" Edwin looked apologetically at Lizzie as Derek dragged him away.

_Later That Afternoon_

Marti crept up to her brothers' room. She knew she wasn't supposed to disturb them, but it was so boring here! All the women had cooed and crooned over her, but yuck! Who wanted to be dressed up in frilly dresses when she could try on her brothers' armor and play with their swords.

Derek opened the door to see his sister standing there. Since their parents' death, Derek and Edwin had watched over Marti, and it seemed only natural to bring her along with them. Sure, it was to battle, but only a small one. Marti would have terrorized their home if she had been left behind, and the aftermath of that would have been more terrifying than the actual war. "Hello, Smarti! How's my little one doing?"

Marti responded in her typical quirky fashion. "I hate this place/the women here are scary/they tried to dress me in lace/and called me a little fairy." The little girl looked so put out by this that Derek just had to laugh.

"They obviously don't know what a little warrior looks like. Come on, let's go find Edwin." He rolled his eyes at her and made her giggle. "He's mooning over one of the ladies of the house." They walked onto the balcony and found Edwin speaking earnestly with Sam.

"I'm telling you, Sam, she's an angel. A beauty. An innocent maiden just waiting for me! And her father would never go for it! She's a lady and I'm, well I'm not a lord or a count or a don. I'm just the younger son."

"Edwin, if she loves you, then she loves you. And you are one of my men, which means a lot. You have lands, and riches, and are handsome…where's the problem?"

"The problem is that I don't know if she likes me. I mean, really. Do you think she could?"

Derek chortled and set Marti down next to the two. "You only met her two hours ago, Edwin. How do you expect to know that you really love her, much less expect her to reciprocate the feelings?"

Marti glared at him and hugged Edwin. "Don't worry big brother/Everyone loves you/Like father loved mother/She'll love you too."

Edwin laughed and hugged her. "Still on our rhyming kick, I see? Thank you for the vote of confidence, Marti." Turning back to his brother, he asked him a question. "Why are you so cynical, Derek? I know I love her. She is the stars in my sky, and the heart beat in my chest. She is all that is beautiful and wonderful in the world."

Derek rolled his eyes again and put his hand on Edwin's shoulder. "Little bro, think what you like. Love is for losers. I will never fall in love, and I shall be much happier for it."

Edwin looked at him with pity. "And what about when you marry? Don't you wish to love that woman?"

Derek looked at him strangely. "I'll never wed. Marriage is for those who aren't strong enough to get through life on their own, and I think we can firmly say that I am strong enough to depend on myself and only myself."

"But you're the eldest son, Derek," Sam interjected. "you have to marry and have children, carry on the family line and all that jazz."

"No I don't. That's what Edwin's for. He's such a romantic I know that I don't have to worry about him never having children. So he can carry on the family line and I can continue to be happy with my life, rather than miserable with a wife." Derek looked inordinately pleased with his little rhyme, so Sam ignored him and turned to Edwin. "If you want me to, Edwin, I can find out if she likes you. At the party tonight I'll dance with her and ask, ok? That way you don't have to worry about being humiliated."

Edwin looked at him gratefully. "Thanks, Sam. I would really appreciate it."

"It's your funeral, bro. Be like me, stay happy and single."

"But if I stayed single, Derek, who would carry on the family line? Oh, wait, that would be you, wouldn't it?"

"You should get married/and have lots of babies/It's not like you would be buried/or get a bad case of rabies." Marti's singsong injection left everyone smiling at her cuteness. Derek picked her up and turned to walk away, but managed to throw one more warning over his shoulder. "Just think, Edwin, if you get married, bye bye soccer. Think about it."

Unbeknownst to all of them, their conversation was overheard by someone with less than good intentions towards the three men. This person crept ever so silently back to his master, another visiting don, and in fact a cousin of the Venturis.

"Don Jamie," the toad said breathlessly, running panting up to his master. "Master Edwin is planning to woo young Lizzie, and from all accounts of their meeting in the courtyard, neither she nor her father will be at all adverse to the idea."

Don Jamie was enraged. "She was supposed to be mine!" he yelled, clenching his fists and shaking them at his servant. The man cowered, and Jamie noticed. He visibly brought himself under control before smirking evilly. "And she still will be. Oh, my dear sir, it is brilliant! Edwin will lose the love of his life, Lizzie will be shamed, and her father will be forced to give me her hand in marriage because I will be the only one to take it. Sometimes I amaze myself, Trevor." The man looked at his master with a questioning expression.

"I will lead Edwin to believe that Lizzie is a whore, rather than the innocent young woman we all know she is. Edwin, being one of the great Venturis, will be unable to force himself to marry her, Lizzie will be heartbroken, and Don George will be willing to give his daughter to anyone who asks. It's a beautiful plan, isn't it, Trevor?"

Trevor nodded and smirked. "When will you do it, Don Jamie?"

Jamie smiled evilly. "I have to wait until the two lovebirds are in love. I think I shall put my plan into action once they are engaged. You know Italians, they can never wait for anything, so I am expecting the engagement to be announced tonight or tomorrow at the latest."

"Sounds perfectly evil, sir. I love it!" And the sounds of their evil cackling could be heard down the hall.

_Right before the Party, in the Girls' Room_

Casey looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. "How could I waste a beautiful face like this on any man, Lizzie?"

Lizzie, making sure her sister wasn't looking at her, rolled her eyes. "Casey, sweetheart, I don't think that you would be 'wasting' your face if you were to marry someone. I mean, you would still have your face, right? And it isn't like your husband would lock you in a tower, for Pete's sake. You just wouldn't be able to, you know, sleep with a ton of guys anymore."

Casey looked at Lizzie. "Like I sleep with a ton of guys now? I'm sorry, I can't remember the last one I had, why is that? Oh yeah, that's right, because I'm a V-I-R-G-I-N, unlike you, Miss Smarty Pants."

Lizzie looked indignant. "You know very well that I am still a virgin too thank you very much." Then she got a dreamy look on her face. "Although, if Edwin were to ask me, I think I would take a long, hard look at that status and see how we could change it."

Casey looked at her sister and shook her head. "Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. I can't believe you are even thinking about it," she scolded. "It's not like Edwin is going to propose marriage, and his brother is an absolute jerk. He is the reason I will never get married."

Lizzie giggled. "Too lovesick over Derek Venturi, Case? Although I can't say I blame you. If Edwin wasn't so dreamy, I wouldn't think twice about looking at his brother."

Casey just sighed. "Lizzie, if you want to mess up your life by getting married, go right ahead. I, however, plan on staying single and happy for the rest of my life."

"And you think Father won't have something to say about that?"

"Please, Lizzie, you know I have Father wrapped around my finger. The man wouldn't dare do anything concerning me unless he had my absolute approval. Privately, I think he's terrified that I'll pull a Mom and freak out on his newest acquisition."

Lizzie grinned as she remembered the occasion Casey was referring to-when their mom found out that their father had decided to hold the annual Christmas Eve dinner outside instead of in the ballroom without asking her first, and she had taken her ire out on his newest priceless painting. After that time, George never did anything without his wife's approval. And Casey was so much like her mother that Lizzie could understand why George was terrified of angering her.

"I don't care why he feels that way, anyways. All I know is that he won't be forcing me to marry anyone, and that is just fine with me. The only way I will ever marry a man is if God made him out of something other than dust. I think Derek is a perfect example of the worthlessness of men made from dust."

Casey turned back to the mirror and Lizzie looked at her for a moment. "I really like Edwin, Casey. Do you really think I don't have a chance with him?" Her worried eyes met those of her sister's in the mirror.

"Sweetie, if you want him, then he is the luckiest man in the world and should be thanking his lucky stars for such an honor. And on the plus side, if you marry Edwin, Don Jamie can go home and stop hanging around with the puppy-dog-in-love expression on his face."

Lizzie giggled. "I like Don Jamie, I mean as a friend, but you're right. He can get irritating sometimes. I would marry Edwin just to make Don Jamie go away."

Casey laughed. Then she looked at the time. "We have to hurry or Father will be furious. I mean, he won't do anything about it, but you know how he gets, all pouty and stuff."

_At The Party_

Casey and Lizzie looked around in confusion. Casey leaned over to her sister and whispered, "Do you remember being told that this was a masquerade?"

Lizzie looked at her with equal confusion. "No, but obviously it is. Why else would everyone be wearing masks?" She gestured around.

Casey followed her sister's hand motion before spotting something. "Lizzie," she growled. "Only the men are wearing masks! Look! All the women here are unmasked! Ugh!" she spat. "I'll bet it was Derek's idea to wear masks and not let the women know. Typical male."

While Casey was ranting, a masked gentleman came up to her. "May I have this dance, milady?" Casey smiled shortly at him and nodded. "I'll be back, ok Lizzie?"

Lizzie nodded distractedly as "Edwin" caught her eye and walked over to ask her to dance.

Meanwhile, "Don Sam" (really Derek in disguise) had to control his chuckles as he led Casey onto the dance floor.

"Thank you Don Sam. It's nice to see some people have manners, unlike your friend Derek over there," she ranted, motioning to "Derek" who was talking to Don Jamie on the edge of the dance floor.

"He is really the most insufferable male on the face of this planet. There is nothing appealing about him! Nothing!"

Derek silently laughed. "Well, Lady Casey, perhaps we should discuss something else, like how beautiful you look tonight," he said, trying to keep up Sam's persona. _Although it's true_, he thought, _she does look beautiful tonight. Too bad that beauty is overshadowed by her annoying personality._

Casey huffed. "I would love nothing more than to talk about something else. Preferably something that doesn't involve you giving me superficial compliments. I hate superficial people," she grumbled, glaring at "Derek" again, who was now talking to a young woman.

Derek laughed, he couldn't help it. "Why don't you tell me more about why you don't like Derek's company?"

Casey sniffed. "I told you, he's superficial and a fool. He is like a man-whore, after all. Stories of his escapades with women follow him everywhere. The only thing he has going for him is that he's relatively clever with words."

"Sam" laughed. "Well, I'll let him know what you said."

Casey chuckled. "Please do. I'm sure he'll say some witty, damaging comment about me and then forget about it." The two continued to banter through the rest of their dance.

Lizzie and "Edwin" meanwhile were also dancing, but enjoying a much more affectionate conversation.

Sam, acting as Edwin, was trying to get Lizzie to admit her feelings. It was fairly obvious that she was in love with his friend, from all the flirting and eyelash-batting coming his way, but every time he tried to, conversationally speaking, corner her into admitting her feelings, she brushed it off and continued to talk about trivialities.

Finally, Sam just got fed up. "Lady Lizzie," he said, trying to act as much like Edwin as possible. "Might I have a word with you in private?"

Lizzie tittered and allowed "Edwin" to lead her off the dance floor. "Yes, my dear sir?" she whispered, winking at him.

"Lady Lizzie, I have fallen in love with you," "Edwin" declared, going for the outright declaration approach. "Is it possible that you may have developed similar feelings for me?"

Lizzie gazed dreamily at him. "Oh I have, my dear Edwin. I love you!"

"Edwin" continued, just to make sure. "Does that mean you would not be adverse to me asking your father for your hand?"

"I would love it if you would ask my father for my hand in marriage."

Sam sighed in relief. "Wonderful."

Lizzie looked at him coyly. "Don't you want to kiss me now?"

"Edwin" gulped. "Um, don't…don't you think…" he swallowed again as Lizzie moved closer. "Don't you think we should tell your father first?"

Lizzie stopped moving and pouted. "Don't you want to kiss me?"

"Of c-course I w-want to kiss you. I just think we should tell your father first." Inwardly, Sam was kicking himself for ever agreeing to this plan. He should have known that Lizzie would want a kiss from her soon-to-be fiancée.

Lizzie pouted a little bit more. "I guess you're right." Then she perked up. "Let's go tell him right now!" She grabbed "Edwin's" hand and tried to drag him off but he just stood there, frozen.

"Um…I have to…um…I need to…" Hitting on the perfect solution, he grinned. "I need to tell Derek first! I mean, he is the head of the family and all."

Lizzie pouted again. "Fine," she sighed dramatically. "I'll go tell Casey then."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Wasn't sure you were going to get out of that one unscathed, old boy," he muttered to himself. Then he saw Edwin coming up to him and grinned.

"Man, you will be thanking me when…" Sam was interrupted by Edwin's angry voice.

"Damn it Sam, I can't believe you would do that to me! I mean, all you really had to do was tell me you liked her, and I would have backed off, but no! You had to pretend like you were my friend and then steal her away!"

Sam looked past Edwin as he ranted and saw with confusion Derek and Derek and Edwin's cousin Jamie standing behind Edwin, looking upset as well.

"Ok, Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. But we can talk about it later. I have some important news for you, and I have to tell you before she comes back." Sam looked around furtively.

Edwin glared at him. "Why would I want to hear anything you have to say, Sam? You are a backstabbing, idiotic jerk!"

Derek pushed Edwin aside and got into Sam's face. "Yeah, dude, what's up with that? I mean, I don't think that Edwin should get married, but stealing his girl? That's low, Sam."

Sam looked utterly confused, but then he caught sight of Lizzie coming back with Casey and panicked. If Lizzie saw him with his mask still on, she would think he was Edwin, and he so didn't want to go there again.

"Whatever, guys, just take off your masks, ok?"

Derek and Edwin took off their masks, still glaring at Sam. "Why the hell did you want us to take off our masks, Sam?"

Before Sam could answer, Lizzie came running up and threw herself into Edwin's arms. Edwin let out an "oof", but managed to keep both of them from tumbling to the ground.

"Alright, I told Casey, you seem to have told Derek, so can we go tell my Father now? And then you can give me a kiss…" Lizzie looked demurely at him.

Edwin got an utterly confused look on his face. Sam almost burst out laughing, it was so priceless. By this time he had figured out that Edwin must have seen Lizzie throwing herself at him and gotten the wrong idea, although he wasn't sure where the wrong idea had originated.

"Yeah, congratulations on your _engagement_, buddy," Sam said, making sure to put extra emphasis on the engagement.

Edwin looked at Lizzie, still hanging contentedly in his arms, and then at Sam and blushed up to his ear tips.

"Yeah, ok, right." He swallowed. "Engagement…yeah, Lizzie, let's go tell your Father." As they walked away, Edwin shot a sheepish thank you back over his shoulder to Sam.

Derek looked at both of them and sighed. Then he noticed Casey and smirked as he went over to her. As they started to argue again, Sam looked over at the couple and got an evil glint in his eyes. _Maybe I can help more than one couple find themselves tonight_, he thought to himself, before following Edwin and Lizzie.

_After the Party, in the Guys' Room_

"So, is he listening?" Sam mouthed to Edwin. Edwin nodded before clearing his throat and starting to speak.

"So, Sam, thanks again for tonight. I'm really sorry I jumped on you about the whole alone-in-a-dark-corner thing."

"No prob, bro. So, did I tell you what I heard? Kinda sad, really."

"What?"

"Well, you know how we all thought Lady Casey utterly hated Derek? Well, as it turns out, she is actually just masking her true feelings. She's as in love with Derek as Lizzie is with you!"

"Man, that does suck for her!"

"Yeah, I mean, we all know how much Derek hates her, and I think she can tell too. At least that's what I gathered from her tear-stricken words to her best friend in the courtyard earlier."

Edwin rolled his eyes at the room adjacent to the balcony where Sam and Edwin were sitting. Derek was in the room, pretending not to listen, but Edwin knew he was. The little jump he gave when Sam announced Casey was in love with him proved it.

Derek sat in the dark of the room, trying to process what he had just heard. Lady Casey, hater of all men, was in love with him? No, it couldn't be! Could it? And he didn't really hate her, it was just he never wanted to get married and she was a prime candidate for that…wait, what was that? Casey, a prime candidate for marriage? With him? No way! Although the more Derek thought about it, the more the idea appealed to him. Sure, he had never wanted to get married, but with Casey? She was interesting, mysterious, beautiful, intriguing, fiery, and passionate.

Derek sat up straight and stared directly at the wall. He was in love with Casey Palermo. As strange as it sounded, he was as head over heels for Casey as Edwin was for Lizzie. And he liked it! Derek sat back and folded his arms behind his head. At least he knew Casey loved him. There would be none of this drama like Edwin had had. He smiled as he continued to daydream what his life would be like, married to Casey.

_In the Girls' Room_

While Derek was daydreaming, the woman he was thinking about was lost in her own thoughts. As she lay on her bed, a grimace came over her face as she remembered the night, and the odious man she had spent the entire evening talking to.

As she was thinking about this, Lizzie and Emily, Casey's best friend came strolling by on the balcony. Casey hadn't lit the candle by her bed, so the room was in darkness and she was pretty sure they had no idea she was there. She decided to listen in on the conversation.

"So, Edwin told me the most interesting thing, Emily. Would you like to hear it?"

"You know me, Lizzie. I love juicy gossip. What is it?"

"Well, you have to promise not to tell Casey." At this there was a lot of eye-rolling towards the room where Emily and Lizzie both knew Casey was listening. "Edwin told me that Derek has decided to renounce his no marriage vow in favor of…wait for it…Casey!"

"Oh my gosh!" Emily squealed.

"Yeah, he said that Derek fell in love with Casey from the first words out of her mouth. He said Derek thinks arguing with her is the most intriguing thing he has done all his life and…"

Lizzie and Emily continued to talk, but Casey wasn't paying attention. Derek Venturi was going to ask her to marry him? Surely that wasn't the case! Could it be? No, he hated her! And she hated him! I mean, he was handsome and when he was with his rhyme-spouting sister, he seemed to be really sweet, but other than that, he was a jerk and rude, and a womanizer. Although as Casey thought about it, she couldn't recall a moment of actual womanizing that had happened. Sure, he had talked to some women at the party, but that was only to be expected.

Suddenly she sat straight up. _Oh my gosh_, she thought. _I'm in love with Derek Venturi!_

Casey's eyes popped open and her mouth dropped open as she breathed heavily. _In love with Derek Venturi? What?_ Then she looked around and saw her alarm clock shining red in the darkness of her room and breathed a sigh of relief. It had just been a dream. She looked at the book on her nightstand and shuddered. Shakespeare. It was definitely all his fault.

* * *

A/N: Alright, I promise that isn't the end of it, just half. It's just, _Much Ado About Nothing_ is so much more complicated than _A Midsummer Night's Dream_! You wouldn't think it was so, but it is! And Casey is more complicated than Derek. That's why there's a lot more...I don't even know what you would call it...in her dream. So I promise, she'll finish her dream, and the second half will have more poetry-spouting Marti. 

Also, I'm thinking about making Sam and Emily have dreams too...but I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the reaction to this.

Anyways, thanks for reading!


	3. Much Ado About Casey part 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Shakespeare or Life With Derek...however, poetry-spouting Marti, that's definitely my idea (the poetry-spouting, not the Marti)

**A/N:** I'm not kidding you, I have had this on my computer for a week. I just had to finish the last two scenes. Shakespeare is brilliant, but sometimes his ideas are...funny...

* * *

Casey hadn't slept in three days. She wouldn't let herself sleep. Unfortunately, while ignoring the Sandman kept her from experiencing any more Shakespeare-subconscious-induced dreams, it was also destroying her life. Apparently, sleep was the thing that kept one functioning at an intelligent and sociable level. Without it, one turned into a nonsense-babbling, irritable, snappy shrew of a person. And to top it all off, the lack of sleep had caused Casey to fail two tests. Two tests! In the same week! That day, after she had found out about her test scores, a hysterical Casey was shown into Paul's office, who took one look at her and ordered her to get some sleep. When she tried to protest, saying she wasn't tired, Paul told her that either she went home and got some sleep, or she forfeited the opportunity to retake the tests. So she walked out of the office and straight home, ignoring everyone, including Emily, who seemed rather hurt. Casey couldn't bring herself to care. She was too busy trying to mentally prepare herself for the eventuality that Derek…Shakespeare…love would once again invade her dreams.

Don Jamie rubbed his hands together in glee. Things were all working out as he had planned! Well, maybe not exactly as he had planned, but this just left more leeway for mischief-making! He already had a plan of how to make Edwin and Lizzie's lives miserable, hopefully opening the door to his marriage with the young woman. He called for his servant Scott (not the same one who had brought the news to him).

"Scott, I want you to take Amy, Lizzie's maidservant, you know, the one who looks like her, and bring her onto the girls' porch later tonight. I would like you to…make the beast with two backs with her, pretending she's Lizzie. I will bring Duke Sam and Edwin and they will believe Lizzie is a whore! Edwin will surely denounce her, and then Lizzie shall be mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Scott nodded his head in excitement. "Of course my lord. Anything you want, especially when it involves my favorite activity!"

The two laughed gleefully before setting off on their respective errands.

_Outside The Girls' Room_

Edwin and Sam looked at Jamie skeptically. "So…where's this proof of your slanderous remarks about the woman I am going to marry tomorrow?"

Jamie looked at the girls' balcony and smirked. "Right there, dear cousin. Look on the balcony."

Edwin and Sam looked onto the girls' balcony and were shocked to see an intimate, passionate scene being enacted before their very eyes.

Scott looked at the men on ground and sneered into Amy's neck as he shed her of her dress and moaned, "Lizzie."

The other men were so shocked they failed to observe the woman's reaction to being called another woman's name-namely a protest that was cut short by Scott's lips on hers. The men left the courtyard, Edwin in a rage, Sam sympathetically enraged for his friend, and Jamie dancing in joy on the inside.

"Sam, I can't marry her now! She's…she's a slut! My wife has to be a virgin! Oh, what am I going to do? We are supposed to be getting married tomorrow morning! Oh, woe is me!"

Sam cleared his throat. "I. It's actually woe is I." At Edwin's glare he winced. "Right, right, slut for a fiancée. Well, I think that it would be only right to expose her for who she really is by telling everyone when you stand up to marry her. It only makes sense. **(A/N: only a male would think that this could possibly turn out well…)"**

Edwin nodded, clearly seeing the wisdom in this idea. "I think I shall do it that way." Neither of the two bothered to notice that Don Jamie was looking as though his birthday had come eight months early and happened to fall on the same day as Christmas.

_The Next Day, At The Wedding_

Casey and Lizzie beamed as they walked down the aisle, Casey from her realization about the love of her life (and the fact that her little sister would no longer spend every moment talking about how wonderful Edwin was, or rather, she would not be around Casey to talk to her about it). Lizzie was obviously smiling because of the wedding she was about to participate in…or so she thought. Little did either expect the events to follow.

The priest stepped up to Lizzie and Edwin, the latter of whom had a strangely somber expression on his face. "You come here to marry this lady, my lord," the priest said, phrasing it as a question.

Edwin answered grimly, "No."

George Palermo was standing nearby and he stared at the young man before relaxing and laughing a little. "He comes to be married to her, Father. You come to marry her."

"Ah then, let us continue. Do you come to be married to this gentleman, Elizabeth?"

"I do."

"Does anyone know of any reason that would prevent the marriage of these two? If so, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

"What about you, Lizzie, do you know of any reason?" Edwin questioned grimly.

Lizzie looked confused. "No, my lord. Do you?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Here, in front of all these witnesses, I denounce you, Elizabeth, daughter of George Palermo, for a slut and a whore!" His voice had risen considerably during his announcement, and by the end, Edwin was practically yelling in her face.

Lizzie gasped and stumbled back in terror. She fell into the arms of her sister, weeping. "Is this a cruel joke, Edwin? What are you talking about?"

That's when Sam stepped in. "There's no use denying it. We saw you, last night on your balcony. It was fairly obvious what was happening," his voiced dripped with poison.

Lizzie was too humiliated and hurt to protest, so she merely turned her head into Casey's chest and cried. Casey, on the other hand, had no qualms about making her opinion known, and loudly. "How dare you make these accusations against my sister! Where is your proof? I have been her roommate for ten years and out of anyone here I would know her sleeping habits the best and I know that Lizzie would never do anything like that!"

Edwin and Sam glared at Casey and Lizzie. "Don George, if you will pardon us," Sam said icily, bowing lightly to the older gentleman who had still not recovered from the shock. "We will take leave of your place shortly." With that he and Edwin turned and walked out of the church, leaving behind a stunned crowd.

George was the first one to recover, and he walked over to his daughters, anger making him shake. "How dare you," he yelled at the two girls. "Vipers in my bosom! Ungrateful wretches! Whores in my house!" He raised his hand to strike and Casey bent over her sister to protect her. Before he could release the blow though, Derek grabbed his arm. "Your grace, I have something I wish to say to you, but not in front of all these witnesses. Perhaps it would be best if we all retired to the adjoining chamber." He said it quietly, revealing none of the emotion he had been feeling all morning.

George looked around as if seeing the wedding party for the first time, and then back at his daughters on the floor, the youngest cowering and crying, the eldest defiant and angry. "Very well. Let's go." And with that he stalked into the adjoining chamber. The priest looked at the situation and sighed, following the don into the chamber. After motioning to the crowd to disperse, Derek went over to Casey and Lizzie and helped them into the room. After shutting the door, he began to speak.

"Now, I know this sounds far-fetched and improbable to you, but please remember as I propose my…theory that I have knowledge of this person that far overreaches any of yours. Anyways, while everyone else was watching the drama unfold at the altar, I was watching a certain cousin of mine. As Edwin and Don Sam spoke, Don Jamie seemed far too happy with himself. Now, if Lizzie protests her innocence, I am tempted to believe her, as I have found her to be one of the most virtuous women I have ever met. And given the reaction of my cousin, added to the knowledge that he wanted to marry Lizzie, all of the evidence leads me to believe that this entire scene was in fact a drama instigated by none other than Don Jamie."

Everyone looked at him in shock, that is, everyone except the priest. The priest nodded his head slowly before addressing the Don. "Your grace, I agree with Lord Derek. The entire situation seems a little too contrived to be an accident."

George sighed. "I wish to believe you. But after everything that happened, even if I did believe you, what good would it do? My little girl has been denounced and jilted, and no one will now believe in her innocence."

"To that end, your grace, I believe I may have a solution. **(A/N: Once again, only a male would believe that this is a great way to resolve this problem.)** I propose that we announce that in grief from a false accusation, young Elizabeth died. I believe that her accuser would then feel such remorse that he would come forward."

George thought about it for a moment. "It sounds like a plausible idea." He turned to look at his daughters. "Dearest," he said remorsefully, going over to Lizzie, "I am sorry I doubted you. I should have known you would never besmirch your virtue in such a way. And now we shall find a way to restore it, and hopefully restore Edwin to you." Lizzie sobbed on her father's shoulder, and the priest cleared his throat.

"Perhaps Elizabeth should stay here until this matter has resolved itself," he suggested tactfully. George agreed and then he, the priest and Lizzie left Derek and Casey alone in the chamber together.

Derek looked at Casey, who was standing, staring at the wall in front of her. He could see the sheen of tears on her cheeks and felt his heart crack.

"You're crying," he stated. Casey gave a bitter laugh.

"I'm crying, and I intend to cry a lot longer."

"I hate seeing you cry." Derek moved closer to Casey and put his hand on her cheek.

Casey scoffed, but it came out as a half-sob. Derek couldn't stand it any longer. "You know, there is nothing in this world I love as much as you. Isn't that strange?"

She sniffed. "Only as strange as me saying I loved you."

Derek gave a bitter laugh. "I have been led to believe…that is, to hope that you may feel that way towards me. But I just had to tell you, that I think that if I couldn't have you, I would die."

Casey started crying. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry then."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because we are standing in the midst of my sister's ruined wedding, ruined by your brother, who announced to the whole world that he thought she was a slut. Now my father is plotting to have my sister killed off, yes I know it is only a story, but it is kind of a bad time to be declaring love for one another!"

"On the contrary, I think it is a perfect time. What better way to salvage this day than to make true declarations of love to one another? C'mon, Case, I would do anything for you, do this one thing for me."

Casey looked at him, eyes narrowed. "You would do anything for me?"

"Anything. I would climb the highest mountain or swim the deepest ocean for you."

It was Casey's turn to laugh bitterly. "It won't be anything quite so strenuous. I want you to kill Edwin."

Derek looked at her in shock. "I'm sorry, you want me to do…what?!"

"Kill Edwin."

"I thought we had already discussed how Edwin was not at fault for this plot against your sister."

"It doesn't matter. He was the one who humiliated my sister and broke her heart. He deserves to die. If you truly loved me, you would kill him."

"He's my brother, for goodness's sake, Casey! I can't just kill him."

Casey turned to walk out. "I guess you don't love me then."

Derek grabbed her arm. "I do love you. But killing my brother, is that really necessary?"

"He took an innocent maiden and accused her of prostitution in front of the entire town. If I were a man, I would cut out his heart and eat it! And on her wedding day, nonetheless! To do that to a woman you claim to love…if that is love then I want no more part of it!"

Derek looked at her for a moment before turning to walk out. "Very well," he whispered as he passed the threshold, but by the time his words reached Casey's ears, he had already left.

Edwin and Sam were standing outside the stables as their horses were saddled when George rounded the corner and saw them. If the priest hadn't held him back, Edwin and Sam would have been accosted by a forty-something man with vengeance on his mind. As it was, they were treated to a rather informative speech.

"I hope you are happy, my lords. I hope that you go home and sleep every night for the rest of your life remembering how you destroyed the life of an innocent young woman. And of course, by destroyed, I mean caused the death of said young woman. My little girl is dead all because of you! And she died in shame! If I were not a gentleman, you would both die before you left my lands!"

The priest put a cautionary hand in front of the don's face. "Now, now, lord, we don't want them to have proof of your desire to murder both of them I hope they understand that if I weren't a man of the cloth, I would join you in this nonexistent venture to separate their worthless souls from their bodies, but since there is no plot, we don't have to worry about it." He kept babbling on, really only trying to keep George from attacking Edwin and Sam.

Meanwhile Edwin had paled. "Wh-what do you mean, she's dead?" Beside him, Sam looked ill.

George glared at them. "Obviously, my little girl's honor was so impugned, and on her wedding day, nonetheless, that she died of a broken heart."

Before anyone else could say a word, Derek ran up to Edwin. Both Edwin and Sam looked at him in relief. "Derek, we've been waiting for you. Let's get going."

Derek ignored Sam and walked straight up to Edwin, slamming his hand around Edwin's throat and shoving him back against the wall. "I never thought this day would come, _brother_, but I am officially ashamed to call you my family. You are scum. A young woman's life was lost, her family grieves, because you were an idiot. I am throwing down the gauntlet now, and challenging you to a duel for the woman's honor. Tomorrow morning." He released Edwin and turned to Sam.

"Dude, it's been great serving with you, but that was despicable. I have to withdraw myself from your service. Talk to you later." Before either of the two could say a word, Derek turned and stalked away. George and Tony, the priest, were still watching in disbelief when a small voice popped out of nowhere.

"It wasn't her/standing in the night/it was a nasty cur/who's taken flight."

Everyone looked around in confusion, but only Edwin spotted the little girl standing in the shadows of the stable.

"What are you talking about, Marti?"

"I heard it last night/the plan to destroy/love with a blight/and give Don Jamie joy. They planned it well/and it occurred the way they said/you're going to hell/because of the lady you left for dead. She was innocent, she was/and completely true to you/your words are the cause/of this terrible brew."

Edwin stared at his little sister. "How do you know it's not true," he croaked. The little girl came forward and handed him something.

"This fell off the woman you saw/with the treacherous snake smiling on/the necklace has only one flaw/it doesn't belong to the swan. A sparrow was there/as deceived as you/her body was bare/but her name was untrue."

George stepped up to Edwin and Marti and looked at the necklace in Edwin's hand. "That's not my daughter's necklace."

"How do you know it wasn't a gift from her lover?" Edwin practically spat, remembering that night.

George glared at him. "Besides the fact that my daughter didn't have a lover, turn it over." Edwin did so and gasped in shock and horror. Engraved on the back of the locket was the name _Amy_, one of Lizzie's lady maids that happened to share the same hair and body type as Lizzie.

"So…so it really wasn't Lizzie," he croaked out. As that news sank in, he fell to the ground. "Oh my God, I killed her. She's dead and it's all my fault." Sam sank to the ground next to him, putting his arm around his friend's shoulders and looking at George in horror.

"My lord, do you know who it was that participated in deceiving us? I would have the blackguard's name, as I am going to kill him with my bare hands."

George shook his head. "I had no proof except the knowledge of my daughter's virtue. But I would imagine that you should look to your cousin, Don Jamie. He seemed remarkably happy at the dreadful scene this morning."

Edwin raised his head with a look of utter rage. "I am going to kill him." It was uttered with such malice that Sam almost flinched back. But then Edwin's expression changed and he grabbed George's hand. "I cannot express the regret I feel for the part I played in your daughter's death. However, I offer myself up to you. Decide on your revenge, and no matter what it is, I shall accept it as my due."

George looked at him appraisingly. "Anything I choose?" At Edwin's nod, he sat back thoughtfully for a moment. "You cannot do the one thing that would make me happiest-bring back my beloved daughter. However, you can make sure everyone knows that she was innocent of all she was accused of by composing a poem to recite at her grave and having it engraved to lay on the door of her tomb. In addition, I have a sweet, young ward who has the same appearance as my beloved Lizzie. If you would take her as your bride, and I could be assured of her well-being, I would be able to die content."

Edwin consented, tears still coursing down his cheeks. George looked at Tony before continuing. "Then we will mourn my daughter tonight and you will marry my ward tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I shall send my men to find the perpetrators of this scheme so they can be punished accordingly."

Just then Scott Justus appeared. His face was haggard and his eyes were flashing freakily. He saw George and ran to him, throwing himself at George's feet. "My lord, please, please kill me! It was I, my lord! I was the one outside your daughter's bedchamber last night! I was the cause of her death! Please kill me!"

An enraged look came over George's face, but before he could do anything, Edwin had snatched Scott from the ground and slammed him against a wall, whipping his dagger against his neck. "Speak again, toad," he spat from between clenched teeth, "And you will be speaking through your throat. I should kill you right now, but first I want to know who set you up to this?"

Scott swallowed nervously, but didn't say a word. Edwin slammed him against the wall and screamed, "Tell me!'

"I-it was j-just me, my lord! I did it!" Scott started blubbering.

Frustrated, Edwin shoved him against the wall again as he stormed off. Sam looked at Scott and then after Edwin before deciding to follow his friend. When the two were gone, George walked over to Scott's huddled form.

"You aren't smart enough to come up with this plan on your own, Scott, and besides, you had nothing to gain. So I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the actual schemer was your master, Don Jamie."

Scott nodded weakly. George glared as he continued. "Where is the _honored_ don?"

"He's fled, my lord! He left the minute we found out about Lady Lizzie's death!"

George turned to Tony and told him to order the don's men to apprehend Don Jamie at all costs and then grabbed Scott and dragged him to the nearest guard. Throwing the whimpering man at the guard's feet, George ordered him to take Scott to the dungeon before heading off to plan his daughter's funeral and wedding.

_In The Garden, Before The Funeral_

Derek paced the garden in front of a giggling Marti. Every few minutes he would stop, recite something that would send Marti back into a storm of giggles, frown, and start pacing again.

"Ok, ok, how about this: She is as beautiful as the clouds in the sky/I am so in love with her I could cry/So bring me a ring/Marrying Casey is better than a bee sting?"

Marti fell off the retaining wall, she was laughing so hard. When she managed to control the giggles enough to talk, she gasped, "Your rhymes are terrible/your sentiments worse/The only thing comparable/Is Hamanaptra's purple purse!"

Derek looked at her, appalled. "And your rhymes are better?"

Marti giggled again. "You compared your love/to a bee sting/You could give her a shove/she'd be more likely to take your ring."

Derek rolled his eyes, and declared, "I am terrible at writing. I refuse to try and woo her with poetry. After all," he boasted, "she loved me when I was cruel to her!"

Marti rolled her eyes at her brother. "I don't think I've ever met/a bigger dork than you/And yet I would take a bet/that what you said is true."

_At The Funeral_

Edwin stood before Lizzie's tomb in tears as she stood removed, hidden under a black cloak, trying not to giggle. As much as she was hurt by Edwin's accusations, she could tell he was truly sorry, and frankly, it was funny to stand outside your own tomb while people thought you were dead. _As if false accusations could actually kill me_, she thought, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes. They were more likely to cause her to kill someone than cause her to fall over dead.

Edwin began to sing, and although Lizzie was still amused at the idea that he was singing to her dead person, she was still touched by the sweetness of his song.

"Oh my dearest Lizzie/here you lie, dead/All my fault/yes it is/for I accused you of treachery/I want all to know/you are a truly virginal woman/whose honor will never be stained/while I live."

Casey stood beside her cloaked sister, shaking her head. _This entire production is ridiculous. On the plus side, I did hear that Derek challenged Edwin. I guess I can allow him to not kill Edwin now. After all, he did repent, and he is going to marry my sister, although he doesn't know it._ At that thought, Casey giggled softly, and Lizzie elbowed her before hissing, "You're supposed to be mourning me, loser!"

"It's kinda hard to get into the whole mourning-my-sister mode when she's standing right next to me, elbowing me."

Lizzie glared and grabbed her sister's arm, dragging her away from the funeral, hoping that people would believe the two had been overcome by grief rather than the actual sisterly squabble.

_The Next Morning, At The Wedding_

Casey, Lizzie, a repentant Amy, Emily, and a few other lady's maids, all veiled, stood at the altar awaiting the groom. Edwin, Sam, and Derek came into the church, Edwin looking ill but determined. He walked up to the ladies' before looking bemusedly at George.

"Which is your ward, lord, that I am to marry?"

George motioned to Lizzie, who stepped forward. Edwin took one of her hands and began to remove the veil, but George jumped in and ordered him to leave it on until the vows were said. Edwin acquiesced and the priest stepped forward to marry the two.

After doing a remarkable job of never saying the bride's name, the priest finally declared that the two were married and Edwin could kiss the bride. Edwin lifted Lizzie's veil and staggered back. "What kind of sorcery is this?"

Lizzie, Casey, and the others in on the scheme began to laugh. "No scheme, Edwin, just a trick. You falsely accused me in front of everyone, so we decided to take drastic measures to make you and the ones responsible repent. It worked, didn't it?" And she smiled cheekily at him.

Edwin shouted a laugh as he grabbed Lizzie around the waist and swung her around before kissing her like the world was going to end. The entire church burst into applause. As the two finished and started walking away, Derek stepped up to the priest.

"Before we adjourn today, I think that you should perform one more marriage ceremony. After all, there is a woman here who is dying to be wedded to me. I thought, being the incredibly generous and decent guy that I am, that I would make her dreams come true."

The priest stared at Derek before turning to the crowd. "Is this true? Is there a woman here who wants to marry this braggart?"

Lizzie, Edwin, and Sam pushed Casey forward while George looked on, grinning.

Casey looked stunned for a moment before smiling sneakily and walking toward Derek. "You know," she pondered as she walked. "I heard it the other way around. I heard that you were mooning over me, and I shall allow you to take my hand in marriage."

Derek snorted. "If that's the story you heard, than you must be delusional. Edwin and Sam were gossiping about how you were head over heels in love with me."

Casey sniffed. "As if. I don't have any sort of feelings, except for possibly intense dislike, for you. You, on the other hand, according to my sister and friend are totally and completely in love with me."

"I could never love a bad-tempered shrew like you!"

"And I could never love an idiotic, chauvinistic jerk like you!"

Sam decided he had had enough of the two combatants and walked forward, waving a piece of paper. "I think you'll find, my friend, that these words, penned in your own hand, to the lovely Casey contradict your words. Shall I read them?" Without allowing Derek a moment to protest, Sam plunged on. "Oh what beauteous eyes she has/my beloved Casey/So deep and blue and soulful/And beautifully blue…"

Casey bent over laughing. "Your attempt at poetry leaves much to be desired, but I guess it proves my point!"

Lizzie picked this moment to intervene. "Well, Casey, I found this paper with your writing on it. 'An Ode to His Brown Eyes.' Shall I read it?"

Red-faced, Casey snatched the paper from Lizzie's hands. "No," she muttered. Derek looked at her and snickered. "Don't love me, huh?"

She hit him on the arm. "Whatever. Obviously you're just a liar."

Derek grabbed her hands. "Ah, but I am a liar in love with you. Will you marry me?"

Casey gazed at him. "Of course I will." And then, always needing to have the last word, she grinned and winked. "After all, if I don't, you might attempt more poetry to me!" Derek growled and pulled her to him, silencing her giggles with his mouth.

Casey woke up and buried her head under her pillow. "ARGH! I hate Shakespeare!"

* * *

**A/N:** Unlike Casey, I love Shakespeare. Watch Much Ado About Nothing directed by Kenneth Branagh. It's the funniest thing...Hopefully I will have another chapter up soon, but probably not before Christmas. Boxing Day, maybe, but definitely not Christmas. The next chapter will only mention how much Shakespeare drives everyone insane, it won't actually be based on a Shakespeare play. Casey, Derek, Sam, and Emily need to have an actual conversation, don't you think? Yes, I know I am rambling. It's 11:30pm. What do you expect?


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